PoE poem

"Path of Exile" (08/17/15)

I'll rise up on the shore among the dead
With fire and steel put down the ones that rise
Reflected in the dark behind the dread
Which haunts the shivering survivors' eyes

Through swamp and tunnels dank I'll make my way
On cliffs and mountain paths I'll raise my voice
Through durance vile I'll strive to light of day
Alone against the Siren's brood by choice

Through shadowed woods and ancient ruins I'll roam
Bring down and drive away an eldritch night
There in a city horrors make their home
Against an empire's heirs I'll set my might

I cannot say what end will be my fate
I only know that Nightmare yet awaits

=^[.]^=

"

peachii wrote:

Very nice Ray, thanks for sharing.

+1...also the best thing I've read all day. :)

Edit: Actually, I could totally see this being spoken by your chosen character as the end credits roll.

Thanks, ya'll!

The challenge (as in writing any English-style/Shakespearean sonnet) was to encapsulate the entirety of the theme within three quatrains and a couplet. I could've done more with a longer style (Norse-style epic, anyone?), but I enjoyed the exercise, and it suited my mood at the time. =^[.]^=

"

Raycheetah wrote:

Thanks, ya'll!

The challenge (as in writing any English-style/Shakespearean sonnet) was to encapsulate the entirety of the theme within three quatrains and a couplet. I could've done more with a longer style (Norse-style epic, anyone?), but I enjoyed the exercise, and it suited my mood at the time. =^[.]^=

I was just getting ready to reply to the poem and say that you captured a lot of the game's feel with just a few lines. I like your poem a lot.

"

DalaiLama wrote:

"

Raycheetah wrote:

Thanks, ya'll!

The challenge (as in writing any English-style/Shakespearean sonnet) was to encapsulate the entirety of the theme within three quatrains and a couplet. I could've done more with a longer style (Norse-style epic, anyone?), but I enjoyed the exercise, and it suited my mood at the time. =^[.]^=

I was just getting ready to reply to the poem and say that you captured a lot of the game's feel with just a few lines. I like your poem a lot.

=*[.]*=

This reads like prose tbh
Strict iambic is really limiting and quite clunky in your poem

Keep going m8

"

FullCust wrote:

This reads like prose tbh
Strict iambic is really limiting and quite clunky in your poem

Keep going m8

Sonnets (09/02/15)


If iambic pentameter's odd
It's because William Shakespeare's the god
Of feet, form, and rhymes
Going back to old times
So I'll just blame it all on the Bard

=^[.]^=

"

Raycheetah wrote:

"

FullCust wrote:

This reads like prose tbh
Strict iambic is really limiting and quite clunky in your poem

Keep going m8

Sonnets (09/02/15)


If iambic pentameter's odd
It's because William Shakespeare's the god
Of feet, form, and rhymes
Going back to old times
So I'll just blame it all on the Bard

=^[.]^=

It reads like jingle and silly prose aince you didn't use inversion of feet - proficiency in inversion shows who has the true mastery of metre;
No great poet has ever written strict for an extended amount of time (besides Dante); Shakespeare's sonnet isn't half good as his Venus and Adonis and still it never reads like the political boo boos from the 18th century poets or tavern songs
There is actually zero merit is having perfect stanza in iambs - infinite variety is everything
And besides sonnet 145 is the strongest and that itself isn't even in pentameter

You should practice with a lighter form (tetrameter, English March or ode) before using the grand metre

Maybe write a few songs themed around Tora or Vaal

And may I ask what your credentials are? You certainly drop the terminology like a scholar, except that I can't imagine a scholar troubling himself to school a random amateur on the internet. I write for my own pleasure, and others have enjoyed what I have presented. That pleasure is not one whit diminished by your critiques, though if the opportunity genuinely exists to learn something, I am not at all averse to it. =^[.]^=