What happens when you let an algorithm write the 2.0.0 patch notes

I ran the patch notes so far for The Awakening through a Markov Chain text generator and wanted to share its results with you.

  • Ethereal Knives: Now grants +2 to the nearest server.
  • Elemental Hit: Now has a mana cost and a cascade of Chaos spikes in addition to being upsized variants of normal skeletons.
  • Fixed a bug with Conversion Trap where it could cause monsters to walk on the overlay map and minimap.
  • The starting Scion nodes now have more sockets and more linked sockets.
  • You can't hit the same as Leer Cast.
  • Old maps have been reduced across the tree.
  • We have reviewed every Skill and Support Gem and Vigilant Strike.
  • Fixed a bug with Dominating Blow that could cause a variety of effects that are one level above the area of effect by 0.5% per 1%, and no longer claims that they rotate more smoothly.
  • Hovering over the past few years, it's expected that not every item holds up as well as it once did.
  • NPC and player names are now less inclined to attack the user.
  • Fixed a camera bug that was visible when using a Divine Orb on an existing stack of the Path of Exile.
  • The game server you're connected to is now at the world map to see what Tempest affects each area at the pool of map mods in previous expansions.
  • Cybil's Paw: Increased Spell Damage Mods can now tab between Stream option text fields.
  • Party leaders are now preloaded correctly. You can recognise these because they look like volcanic KaruiStone squares rather than an existing stack of currency items
  • Demon King Added a boss to the core game.
  • Bloodlines Mods: Voidspawn of Abaxoth, Congealed Blood and Bearers of the new progression.
  • Atziri's Acuity no longer attaches to The Warehouse District.
  • Rather than always fleeing, Monkeys and Drop Bears now flee if they hide under logs.
  • Fixed a camera bug that made it hard to maintain the top maps we want people to find it easy to get to the core game.
  • The Bloodlines Mod have been replaced by Jewel nodes.
  • The interface for manipulating hideout decorations no longer use /oos to get to the effect (increasing the total length).
  • The Waypoint in The Lower Prison has been removed and instead Flicker Strike grants 20% damage reduction for a fresh start in a new Dexterity/Strength Skill Gem
  • Eternal Orbs no longer applies a penalty to leech.
  • Quest Rewards: Due to substantial balance changes, every existing character has been substantially reduced, including values on existing items.
  • Vaal Pact has also been moved prior to Vaal Ruins.
  • The Dread Thicket is now always 50%.
  • Eldritch Battery no longer affected by magical Tempests.
  • Minions (or other transitionable effects) created by triggered skills can now craft Added Damage for Spells on a range of maps
  • The radius of the Auras has been granted an optional full passive reset. To use this, click the "Reset all Passives" button on the minimap screen, alongside other information about item filters
  • Some of the Auras has been added.
  • Previously, the most that experience could be penalised to was 2% of maximum life per second, but can be crafted using the mouse wheel.
  • Performance of finding a strongbox has been removed.
  • You can now transition between areas.
  • Traps can drop maps.

Edit: here are some more:
  • Now grants +2 to the Northern Forest rather than when you walk away from it.
  • Fixed some performance issues related to the 20 new Gems introduced in The Awakening.
  • Low-level items are still present in the Mud Flats has been made more affordable.
  • Jewels. These socket into the Passive Skill Tree to grant a buff that makes you move faster, become harder to detect, and no longer reflects damage.
  • There are currently three unique rings, three unique boots and three exclusive magic mods that previously weren't allowed to coexist.
  • The starting Scion nodes now have their art facing the correct direction.
  • Fixed a bug with Conversion Trap where it could cause a variety of effects that influence both monsters and players, such as Support Gems are now three bands of maps that are both corrupted and unidentified will now be less penalising.
  • Maps from the struck enemy that fly at other enemies.
  • Fixed problems that would occur when moving quickly between hundreds of item to collect and craft.
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Last edited by Chris on Jul 8, 2015, 7:47:43 AM
Last bumped on Aug 30, 2016, 12:18:35 PM
hahaha that is ace!
looks like someone put the post modernism thesis generator to work
Let the games begin
"
Chris wrote:
Due to substantial balance changes, every existing character has been substantially reduced, including values on existing items.

It knows.
Haha, these are great!
"
Chris wrote:

Traps can drop maps.


Personal favorite!
"I'm going to show you pain you never knew existed, you're going to see a whole new spectrum of pain!!!!! Like a RAINBOW!"
Last edited by KorgothBG on Jul 8, 2015, 6:47:49 AM
And now for the gizoogle version:

Spoiler
I ran tha patch notes so far fo' Da Awakenin all up in a Markov Chain text generator n' wanted ta share its thangs up in dis biatch up in yo' faaaaaace!

• Ethereal Knives: Now grants +2 ta tha nearest server.
• Elemenstrual Hit: Now has a mana cost n' a cold-ass lil cascade of Chaos spikes up in addizzle ta bein upsized variantz of aiiight skeletons.
• Fixed a funky-ass bug wit Conversion Trap where it could cause monstas ta strutt on tha overlay map n' minimap.
• Da startin Scion nodes now have mo' sockets n' mo' linked sockets.
• Yo ass can't hit tha same as Leer Cast.
• Oldskool maps done been reduced across tha tree.
• Our thugged-out asses have reviewed every last muthafuckin Skill n' Support Gem n' Vigilant Strike.
• Fixed a funky-ass bug wit Dominatin Blow dat could cause a variety of effects dat is one level above tha area of effect by 0.5% per 1%, n' no longer fronts dat they rotate mo' smoothly.
• Hoverin over tha past few years, itz expected dat not every last muthafuckin item holdz up as well as it once done did.
• NPC n' playa names is now less inclined ta battle tha user.
• Fixed a cold-ass lil camera bug dat was visible when rockin a Divine Orb on a existin stack of tha Path of Exile.
• Da game server you connected ta is now all up in tha ghetto map ta peep what tha fuck Tempest affects each area all up in tha pool of map modz up in previous expansions.
• Cybilz Paw: Increased Spell Damage Modz can now tab between Stream option text fields.
• Jam leadaz is now preloaded erectly. Yo ass can recognise these cuz they be lookin like volcanic KaruiStone squares rather than a existin stack of currency shit
• Demon Mackdaddy Added a funky-ass boss ta tha core game.
• Bloodlines Mods: Voidspawn of Abaxoth, Congealed Blood n' Bearerz of tha freshly smoked up progression. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
• Atziriz Acuitizzle no longer attaches ta Da Warehouse District.
• Rather than always fleeing, Monkeys n' Drop Bears now flee if they hide under logs.
• Fixed a cold-ass lil camera bug dat juiced it up hard ta maintain tha top maps we want playas ta find it easy as fuck ta git ta tha core game.
• Da Bloodlines Mod done been replaced by Jewel nodes.
• Da intercourse fo' manipulatin hideout decorations no longer use /oos ta git ta tha effect (increasin tha total length).
• Da Waypoint up in Da Lower Prison has been removed n' instead Flicker Strike grants 20% damage reduction fo' a gangbangin' fresh start up in a freshly smoked up Dexterity/Strength Skill Gem
• Eternal Orbs no longer applies a penalty ta leech.
• Quest Rewards: Cuz of substantial balizzle chizzles, every last muthafuckin existin characta has been substantially reduced, includin joints on existin items.
• Vaal Pact has also been moved prior ta Vaal Ruins.
• Da Dread Thicket is now always 50%.
• Eldritch Battery no longer affected by magical Tempests.
• Minions (or other transitionable effects) pimped by triggered game can now craft Added Damage fo' Spells on a range of maps
• Da radiuz of tha Auras has been granted a optionizzle full passive reset. To use this, click tha "Reset all Passives" button on tha minimap screen, alongside other shiznit bout item filters
• Some of tha Auras has been added.
• Previously, da most thugged-out dat experience could be penalised ta was 2% of maximum game per second yo, but can be crafted rockin tha mouse wheel.
• Performizzle of findin a strongbox has been removed.
• Yo ass can now transizzle between areas.
• Traps can drop maps.
== Officially Retired 27/02/2019 ==

Massive thanks to GGG for producing such a fun and engaging game, it has taken up faaaaaaar too much of my life over the last 5 years.

Best of luck in the future!
Last edited by CaptainWaffleIron on Jul 8, 2015, 6:54:00 AM
"
Chris wrote:
  • Hovering over the past few years, it's expected that not every item holds up as well as it once did.


Also

"
Chris wrote:
  • [...] Flicker Strike grants 20% damage reduction [...]

You make my ochinchin go doki doki.

Last edited by GooberM on Jul 8, 2015, 6:53:08 AM
@nait2k4

"Path of Exile be a online Action RPG set up in tha dark fantasy ghetto of Wraeclast. Well shiiiit..."
"I'm going to show you pain you never knew existed, you're going to see a whole new spectrum of pain!!!!! Like a RAINBOW!"
Last edited by KorgothBG on Jul 8, 2015, 6:50:46 AM
Wait, what? It doesn't actually rotate more smoothly?
“Demons run when a good man goes to war"

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